My heart and mind are too full of wonderings and unanswered questions and secret hopes and joy and sadness and fatigue and
Secret fears.
All of these things that are normally kept bottled up are leaking out of my eyes, tracing salty messages on my face. Does God send someone to collect the unspoken prayers that collect in shallow pools in my ears?
I hope so.
Because I have a lot of messages to send him. I have a lot of stuff to send him
About work
And believing in myself and the beauty of my dreams
And my future-babies
And friends whose dreams continue to be deferred
And finances
And what it looks like to be a good friend to other girls
And what I'm supposed to do when people I love are being betrayed by their bodies and are slowly crumbling to dust.
I want to write a million words and cry a bottomless lake of tears but I am so tired right now. I don't know where to begin. I am afraid that if I start, I'll unravel in a matter of seconds and all that will be left of me is a few fillings and some lint.
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I love you.
ReplyDeleteAnd I know God is collecting all your tears in His fancy bottle (Psalm 56:8) because they are so precious to Him, so I'm pretty sure there's also a collection of your earpool unanswered prayers.
I miss you. And in case you forgot since the last paragraph, I love you, sweet friend.