I said my first bad words defending my Whoopie Cushion. It seemed like a just cause at the time.
I.
Do you remember your first cuss word? I do. I was 4 years old.
A nice man at church saw me playing with a Whoopie Cushion after service and asked if he could see it. I can't remember why, but I didn't want to let him. I think he thought I was being cute and stubborn so he asked me again. He even added a "pretty please".
I quietly said, "F**k you."
I didn't know what those words meant. I just knew they were serious and grown-up. I thought he would quit asking for my Whoopie Cushion after I'd said them.
The man's eyes almost fell out of his skull. "What did you say?"
The man's eyes almost fell out of his skull. "What did you say?"
I repeated myself. Based on his reaction, I knew I had done a bad thing. I knew I was going to get in trouble.
This man took me by the hand, led me to my mom, and told her about our conversation. He said he thought I didn't know what I was saying, like it would help. It didn't.
This man took me by the hand, led me to my mom, and told her about our conversation. He said he thought I didn't know what I was saying, like it would help. It didn't.
Pastors' kids aren't supposed to drop f-bombs. At church.
II.
Do you remember your first bad word?
I am dying after reading this! Dying! Only you would associate a whoopee cushion with the first time you detonated your first F bomb! I was a FOB when I came here and barely spoke English when we lived in South Central L.A. My first cuss word was probably in tagalog. Honestly, I don't remember. Since then I have had to make a conscious effort that my speech is not peppered by them. They used to be a regular part of my vocabulary. I think it would be brilliant if we just sat on a whoopee cushion every time we FELT like dropping the F bomb!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why it even came to me! I just kept thinking about how I cussed for the first time OVER A WHOOPIE CUSHION. And I didn't even bother with milder cuss words. I pulled out the big guns. O_O Terrible.
DeleteIf we sat on a Whoopie Cushion every time we felt like cussing, you would hear a lot of flatulence from me--if only just because it sounds funny.
I know. I'm a junior high boy.
HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHA.
ReplyDeleteApparently, we both decided to initiate our first cussing session at New Life. Oh the irony.
According to mom, I beat you to the punch though - I was three when I said "F**k you!" loud and clear to the nice man trying to say hello to me. And I did it twice.
Hahahaha! I said it twice, too, only I said it quietly, and you said it boldly. HAHAHA!
DeleteWe're terrible.