a safe place

After months of constant motion, financially crippling surprises and work crises, I think we’re finally slowing down.

I think we’re finally entering a safe place.

I feel like I’ve been clinging for dear life to a leaky vessel with one oar and torn sails for months. My spirit feels as haggard as I look. I bet I have scurvy. But the clouds are just starting to part, and the sea is pushing my leaky vessel toward the shore. Ahh rest. At least for now.

Without going into too much detail about the misadventures we’ve had because of Gemma, I will say that she is responsible for our debt, exhaustion and weight gain. Her curiosity landed her in the pet hospital and vet’s office several times over the course of a few weeks. There were lots of tears (sometimes cuss words) and late nights caring for her. Thousands of dollars later, we are still grateful she is alive. Life  feels like it’s getting a little easier.

I know God is throwing us a bone by giving us a breather. I think He’s preparing us for what’s next. For now, I am marinating in His blessings because, as always, they are surprising and good. Really good. He provided me with an opportunity to telecommute full-time so I no longer have to spend two hours in traffic. He also preserved my job during a massive “restructure” at work. He also sent someone to buy Mike’s motorcycle so we could pay off the debt we accrued from Gemma’s medical bills. And He continues to surround us with people who love us.

What’s next?

We want to meet our future-babies. A lot of people are really private about this but I can’t help but be excited. And scared. And overwhelmed. I have to remind myself that God is bigger than my sewed-up heart and wonky thyroid. (I had heart surgery when I was 14 to repair a hole, and I have Graves Disease--hyperthyroidism--though it has been in remission for two years.) I know my future-babies are hanging out with God in heaven, and that they're having a blast. I tell myself this every time I get a negative test result. It makes me a little less disappointed. Just a little. I don't want to neglect the good things in our lives just because God is saying, "Not yet."

For now, we are enjoying the quiet of this safe place. And every day, we ask, "Maybe Baby, are you in there?"